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How Joy Makes Us Better Parents. Lessons from Gabor Maté on the power of play.

Mother and child playing together at home, laughing and bonding, representing joyful parenting and the importance of play in child development.

The Moment That Made Me Pause

While rushing my son through homework, I blurted out, “Hurry up, no time to play already!!”

His shoulders sank. And in that instant, I realised I wasn’t just shutting down a game, I was shutting down joy.

It brought to mind a line from physician and author Gabor Maté:

“Play is so important and joy is so important.”

Simple words, but they hit me hard.

 

Why Joy Slips Away in Singapore Parenting

Here, parenting often feels like project management. Our calendars are filled with tuition, enrichment classes, school projects, and CCA practice. For parents of Primary 6 kids, the shadow of the PSLE looms large, adding even more pressure.

We’ve grown up equating parenting with authority. Keep order, enforce rules, make sure they don’t “fall behind.” In a results-driven culture, play gets dismissed as frivolous. Fun becomes a “bonus,” squeezed in only after homework, assessments, and revision are ticked off.

But here’s the truth I’m slowly learning: authority and joy are not opposites.

 

The Reframe: Play Is Good Parenting

Maté’s reminder is powerful. Play isn’t a distraction from raising our kids well. It’s the very thing that helps them thrive.

  • Play strengthens the parent-child bond, especially in stressful seasons like exam prep.

  • Play reduces stress hormones and resets focus, something even adults need.

  • Play fuels creativity and resilience, qualities that no assessment can measure but every child will need in life.

When I stop to dance along with my daughter, or turn spelling drills into a goofy quiz, I’m not “slacking off” as a parent. I’m creating connection. And strangely enough, after moments of joy, my children often return to their books with more focus.

 

Finding the Middle Ground

Authority without joy feels cold. Joy without guidance feels chaotic. But when we allow space for both a balance between discipline and delight, parenting feels lighter, and our children feel closer to us.

 

My Recommended Readings on Play, Parenting, and Child Development

I found these articles really helpful as I was researching for this topic. Hope you enjoy them too!

  1. Dr. Gabor Maté on Why Parents Matter More Than Ever
    An insightful discussion on the significance of secure attachments and the evolving role of parents in children’s lives.

  2. For Young Kids, The Power of Play-Based Learning
    This article highlights how play-based learning can be more effective than direct instruction, especially in developing mathematical and spatial skills.

  3. The Importance of Play-Based Learning in Early Education
    A comprehensive look at how play-based learning fosters essential skills like collaboration, communication, and critical thinking in early childhood education.

  4. The Trauma Doctor: Gabor Maté on Happiness, Hope, and How to Heal Our Deepest Wounds
    An interview where Dr. Maté discusses the impact of trauma on health and the importance of compassionate parenting.

  5. The Power of Playful Learning in the Early Childhood Setting
    Explores how playful learning supports development across various domains and enhances learning outcomes compared to traditional methods.

 


Final Thoughts from Mummy Natalie

So here’s my note to myself, and to you, fellow mums and dads:
Let’s not be afraid to be playful, even in the middle of PSLE season or during endless tuition runs. Joy isn’t indulgence, it’s love in action. When we bring play back into our homes, we aren’t being “less serious.” We’re being more human. And that, I believe, makes us better parents.

 

 

Hello! I am Mummy Natalie

KidYouNot Author_Mummy Natalie_Parenting Community SG

I am one of the editors of KidYouNot Parenting Blog! coffee is my life saviour as a mum of two. My parenting philosophy? Hugs, love, and lots of patience (because honestly, some days need all three). I enjoy sneaking in kopi breaks, spontaneous family makan sessions, and turning everyday chaos into fun memories.

 

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